There seems to be a consensus that the fight against sexism is over – and, I admit, in many ways it is. We now enjoy many social and legal equalities that women of a hundred years ago – or even now in many countries – could only dream of.

But has the fight really been won, or has sexism taken on a more covert and, in some ways, more dangerous form?

Take the language we use, in the office, playground and pub, as well as on TV, on the radio and in newspapers. We all know that ‘be a man’, ‘man up’ or even ‘grow a pair’ basically mean the same thing: be stronger, braver, and better. The concept of a ‘real man’ can be used to mean anything, from being tough, brave and strong, to other ideals such as gentle, kind and patient. On the other hand, phrases such as ‘you woman’ or ‘you big girl’ have only negative connotations: you’re wimpy, pathetic, cowardly, delicate, and inferior. Manly = good. Girly = bad. And the dirtiest word of all? Feminism.

‘Feminist’ is usually used in a critical way, proceeded by ‘radical’, ‘extremist’ or the especially flattering ‘crazy’, followed by ‘brigade’. Women will often start a feminist statement with ‘I’m not a feminist but…’ There is deep shame surrounding a concept which, when stripped bare, basically means wanting equal rights for women. Not so shameful after all, eh?

You may even consider this article to be an example of crazy feminism. You may be throwing your arms up saying ‘these crazy feminists need to get a life. In the grand scheme of things, why is she getting all riled up about a bunch of words?’ Well, crazy I may be, but words are important. For the same reasons most right-minded people wouldn’t use the word faggot, or n***er, they shouldn’t use phrases such as ‘you big girl’ – words are powerful. They tell the recipients how the speaker views them, and how they should view themselves.  Words are powerful, dangerous, and underpin the fabric of society; they perpetuate myths and reinforce prejudices. Whoever coined that old chestnut about sticks and stones were very wrong.

While women are not a vulnerable minority group like, for example, the black and gay community, they are nonetheless victims of a covert, largely unconscious cultural prejudice, which comes from men and women alike. Take the media. Tabloid journalists simultaneously hold women to a higher moral standard than men, while shooting them down that much more viciously when they fall from their pedestal.

A prime example is Heather Mills: while not perfect, she has done a huge amount of work for charity. Ronnie Biggs, on the other hand, was involved in one of the biggest robberies in history, which involved stealing the modern equivalent of £40million and assaulting a man who never recovered. He then escaped from prison and lived a life of luxury for almost 30 years, before returning to the UK to be looked after by the taxpayer. The media’s response? – To treat him as an affectionate, comic figure, sticking two fingers up at the establishment: a folk hero. Heather Mills, on the other hand, has been given such a widespread media roasting that contempt for her is almost universal.

Even on a seemingly harmless programme like Big Brother (of which, I am not ashamed to admit, I have seen several series) women are nearly always booed by the audience unless they are almost flawlessly kind, funny, moral and, of course, beautiful. Men, on the other hand, usually receive a warm reception unless they have shown the worst forms of aggression, arrogance, spitefulness and cruelty – and sometimes even then – especially if they’re good looking. Don’t believe me? Watch some of it on YouTube if you have absolutely nothing else to do.

Many situation comedies are sexist on some level. A favourite of mine is the quirky American medical comedy Scrubs.  I love this programme, but it is guilty of sexism which falls largely under the radar, while the show is simultaneously praised for breaking down racial barriers. For those of you who have never seen Scrubs (shame on you), J.D. is a young medical intern who is constantly belittled by the senior Dr. Cox. As funny as this is, what grates on me is the fact that Dr. Cox’s constantly addresses J.D. by a variety of girls’ names. And his meaning is clear: he is calling J.D. weak, pathetic, over-emotional and useless. What else could calling him a girl’s name mean? Heaven forbid it could be a compliment.

And then there’s the more blatant discrimination made against women, in the form of ‘banter’. Now I’m all for a joke – truly I am. I know that no woman’s been to the moon because it doesn’t need cleaning yet. Jokes such as these, while dubious on the comedy front, are obviously jokes and this particular feminist doesn’t mind them too much. What I mind are the comments that are not jokes, but prejudice dressed up as such: for example, the genuine belief that women can’t drive, in the face of overwhelming evidence.  Insurance companies don’t lower prices for women to be nice.

And the one thing women are worse at than driving cars? Flying planes. The last time I was on a plane with a female pilot, the unfortunate woman didn’t reveal this fact until we had safely landed – and who can blame her? Who would deliberately invite a daily shower of comments such as ‘hope we don’t crash while she’s putting her lippy on’ or even asking to get off?

So: the fight against sexism is far from won. But it is a different battle now, fought away from the front line and instead in the office, the playground, and the media. And in some ways it is unwinnable, as it is so engrained it is largely unconscious. Even you may be questioning just how prevalent or important all of this is. But if you listen hard to what people say, maybe you’ll see it differently. Challenge people when they say ‘be a man’. And perhaps finally the battle will be won – one conversation at a time.

Helen Seymour